"Not Always the Victim: The hidden truth about female bullies”

The Unspoken Side of Toxic Culture: When Women Bully Women

Generational trauma, ego wars and the predotory nature of “sisterhood”

Let’s talk about the taboo truth.

Not the glossy “female empowerment” rhetoric we see paraded on hashtags and panel,

but the real, raw and often rotten side of womanhood: Women bullying other women, especially older women targeting younger women. This isn’t just gossip, envy, or “women being women” (cringe). This is intergenerational trauma bonding, disguised as sisterhood, and transactional relationships wrapped in fake compliments and false support.

And I’ve lived it. Since childhood.

When wisdom becomes weaponised

There’s something deeply unsettling about women who are old enough to know better,

yet choose to weaponise their age, experience, or position to belittle and undermine younger women. Not mentor them. Not uplift them.

But bully them. Compete with them. Sabotage them.

Let’s call it what it is: predatory behaviour, rooted in ego, jealousy, and unhealed wounds.

These older women often operate from a subconscious place of entitlement:

“I suffered to get here, so you should too.”

Or worse: “You don’t deserve to thrive if I didn’t.”

This isn’t empowerment. It is the trauma echo of generations past, trauma bonding masquerading as loyalty, a distorted form of survival where proximity means protection, until it doesn’t.

The Transactional Trap.

Ever been pulled into a “friendship” that felt more like a contract? You know the type: Do this for me, and I’ll co-sign your success. Look like you admire me, and I won’t make you the group’s next scapegoat. Stay in your lane, and I might let you shine, just a little.

These relationships are not rooted in genuine connection or growth. They are strategic, manipulative, and soul-sucking. If you’ve got light in you, creativity, youth, confidence, or clarity, you become a target, not a sister.

Jealousy in Heels

Let’s be blunt: A lot of women are not bullied by men, but by other women. We talk about toxic masculinity, and we should.

But toxic femininity?

That’s still whispered in private circles.

It’s covert, coded, and often denied.

The passive-aggressive shade.

The fake smiles. The exclusion masked as “just keeping the circle small.” The group chats created to destroy reputations and silence women who shine.

This is real, and it’s rampant in female-dominated spaces, from beauty salons to boardrooms.

Communities Cracked by Competition

What does this behaviour really cost us?

Sisterhood becomes a war zone. Communities split. Young women stop trusting older women. Older women lose their influence and the cycle of trauma continues unchecked.

We can’t build strong, intergenerational legacies

if we’re too busy side-eyeing each other and tearing each other down.

My Truth

I’ve experienced this dynamic from early childhood. From grown women gossiping about me to workplace queens blocking opportunities

to “elders” who saw me as a threat instead of a torchbearer. Even now, I still encounter it, too often…..

And let me be clear:

It’s not always innocent. It’s often intentional.

Driven by fear. Fueled by insecurity. But intentional nonetheless.

Time to Speak Up!

We must break the silence around female-on-female bullying. Stop sugar-coating it. Stop normalising it.

This is generational dysfunction,

passed down like heirlooms,

masked in empowerment slogans,

and protected by silence.

We need to unlearn these toxic scripts and write new ones, rooted in wholeness, not hierarchy.

No more idolising mean girls in power suits.

No more tolerating shade as style.

No more trauma bonding in the name of solidarity.

Final Word

If you’ve experienced this, you are not alone,

and no, you’re not “too sensitive” or “too much.”

You’re just finally calling out the toxic undercurrent that too many pretend doesn’t exist.

Let’s heal this.

Let’s name it.

Let’s make space for a new kind of sisterhood, one that’s real, raw, and rooted in respect.

Because truth is the first step to freedom, and I’m walking in mine, heels on, head high.

Written by Shardia O’Connor ~ Founder of Shades Of Reality